I’ve been wishing away too many days, wishing it was five. Wishing for the weekend. Wishing for a holiday. It seems like I am always wishing for something else.
A time where I don’t have to show up for my job at 8, and pretend to work until 5. I say pretend to work because let’s be honest. No one works a full 8 hour day. Mentally anyway. Which isn’t the point.
The point is, life seems far too short, and far too fragile to spend so much of it wishing time away. Time is precious. We don’t ever get it back. I’m not sure how, and I have no idea when. But at some point I am going to stop wishing away days. I’m going to put myself in a position where I enjoy the work I am doing every single day. Not doing it for someone else, or simply for a paycheck but because it’s hard, fulfilling. I don’t think it should be this easy thing, it should be hard work. But it should be hard work that feels good, that matters. Not even in a grand way, but matters because it challenges you, and after it’s all said and done is something you can be proud of, feel good about. I guess that is what I am searching for. Something that I don’t want to wish away.
I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. Especially as the year comes to a close. I tend to think about my mortality more near the end of the year. As I reflect on the things that have worked this year, and the things that haven’t.
While, I am grateful that I have a job that pays the bills so I don’t have to be worried about that. I do find that I need something more. It isn’t enough for me to just show up and get paid. It isn’t enough for me to feel like a number in a global corporation. Only helping people so they can do work that they don’t find fulfilling either.
Maybe it’s too much to ask. Maybe I’m just another naive millennial. But I’m not going to settle for that. Maybe I am entitled. But I refuse to believe that this one life I get needs to be spent with 40 hour weeks of meaningless work. I have no idea how to break free from the system. All I know is that I must. And as I have heard so often. If there is a will, there certainly is a way.