Liam Holyoak

This is where I write things.

Tag: mindfulness

Letting Go of Expectations.

Holidays have never really been my thing. I’ve always found that every year I expected them to be these great cinematic things, and was usually disappointed.

For the past few years I’ve been mostly a cynic about it. Or a scrooge if you will. I probably haven’t been the most fun person to be around on any given December. But this year I’ve approached it differently. I don’t have any expectations. It’s just another day. It’s just a regular month.

If you let go of your expectations of things there is a possibility that something incredible can happen. Or there’s a possibility that it won’t. That is the magic of it. It could be this beautiful incredible day filled with love, laughter and gratitude. Or it could be a regular Monday. Just filled with a bit more food and family time.

As a general rule letting go of expectations seems to be the ticket. You’ll stay consistent with your new workout routine longer if you let go of the expectation that you’ll have rock hard abs in 12 weeks. Falling in love can be much more exciting if you let go of how it should or shouldn’t be and instead fall into what it is, be curious about this new person you are discovering. Days can be much more fulfilling if you approach them with wonder, and curiosity.

Becoming more Present.

I’m not sure when exactly this happened. At a certain point in the not so distant past I decided that I didn’t need anyone. It wasn’t a conscious decision and I don’t quite remember what events caused it but I’ve been riding the independence train for a while now. Seeing a reliance on other humans as some form of weakness. I’m not really sure why that happened. Maybe it was because of the ending of an unhealthy relationship. Or maybe I’ve just told myself that that’s what happens as you get older. You have to stop relying on other people. I think I’ve been so scared of codependency I ran in the complete opposite direction. Swearing off any sort of feelings for people.

Something has changed recently though. Slowly, but surely. I have realized that humans can be pretty incredible. Getting to know someone new can be daunting, but amazing. Being around friends doesn’t have to be a form of procrastination, it can just be fun. I’m allowing myself to be present when I am around people, and really just enjoy them. I’m learning to let go, embrace the fear that comes from being vulnerable. Friendships, relationships, and interactions with people can be beautiful, awkward, and rewarding. Sometimes, I just have to get out of my head and see them that way.

Do it Now

I recently ordered a book called “The Pocket Guide to Action” by Kyle Eschenroeder, in the package came a little bracelet that has the words “Do it Now” on it. Which has been a good, but constant reminder of my laziness. Although I will say it has been useful.

When you put something off, even something small it seems that much harder to getting around to it. I’m am certainly not a master at this. But I’m trying to get better. Take for instance dishes, if you immediately take care of your dish after it meal it takes maybe a minute. If you wait a couple days then you have several other dishes to take care of, and maybe that food got crusted on and then it’s just gross.

The book, and the bracelet have led to thinking a lot about action lately. And “right action” versus just a plain action. The benefit of actively engaging in a book, versus slogging through the pages and dreaming about something. Or even just brushing your teeth and being mindful of that. It’s worth a try, and action seems to be more about a lot a small things than any big things. But at the end of the day when you lay in bed it’s pretty rewarded you realize how much you actually did that day.

Waiting.

I wrote this on my phone the other day while waiting for an oil change. Thought I would share it here.

My laptop just died. I forgot to bring my charger so I suppose I’ll just write here for a moment. I’m finding, as I get older, that I love the mundane. I enjoy waiting. Everything in life seems so rushed, when you get the opportunity to wait maybe it should be savored. I’m currently waiting for my car to be repaired. In a lonely waiting room with two old men sleeping. An employee behind a counter laughing at something that must be hilarious, sliding doors opening and closing. I’m here soaking it all in. I enjoy these moments. The stillness of it. It’s absent from the pressure to rush, because nothing is in my hands. It’s in the hands of the employees, and I’m just along for the ride. Well, at least for these moments I’m along for the ride. Sometimes it’s nice to just wait for a change.

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