Liam Holyoak

This is where I write things.

Month: August 2016

What do you Value?

Do you value freedom more than money?

There is a point of diminishing returns with money. Sometimes it offers you more freedom.

Other times the your job becomes miserable. But, you’ve built your life around making a certain amount of money, and now you can’t leave the job that makes you miserable. You are stuck.

Build your life around what matters most to you. Not what’s supposed to matter to you, or what your parents told you matters. Build it around the things you truly care about. If you do, you’ll always have freedom.

Perspective

Sometimes we need some perspective. We need someone outside ourselves to tell us what’s up. We get too self involved and critical. Then we can’t answer the questions that matter honestly.

Find someone you trust. Someone who will give you honest answers and ask them what your strengths and weaknesses are. You’d be surprised what you learn about yourself.

You’re an incredible person, who matters. You should really try to see that in yourself.

Puppy Lunatic

I have turned into a puppy crazed lunatic. Three weeks ago I was so annoyed that I had to wake up every morning to take care of someone else’s dogs. It was filling me with rage.

Now I am obsessed. I look at puppies on adoption site. I’m looking up how to train them, what kind of food to buy, obedience classes. This is madness.

They tell you not to get tattoos, haircuts, or puppies after break ups. But, it’s been a long time. The healing is almost complete. I could get a puppy right?

Good thing I have a ten day long vacation coming up or I may find myself with a new puppy. Not that it would be the worst thing in the world. But come on, three weeks ago I wanted nothing to do with pets.

More than a Month.

It’s been more than a month since my relationship ended. Being my longest relationship it’s been a big deal. I’ve been putting off writing about it because I wasn’t sure I’d figured out myself again. Now I have. It’s funny when people find out, the first thing they ask me is what happened? I have a hard time answering that question because I’m not entirely sure what happened. It started with me completely checking out. That’s a thing I’ve been known to do. I forget how good I have it, then sabotage the good stuff. I blame myself entirely for my relationship ending. Maybe that’s naive, I don’t think so. It was my fault. I stopped showing love for her. I became a really boring person. I didn’t lose myself, that’s what I thought at first. But I was there all along. I just needed to check out, so I hid the person she fell in love with deep inside. Hid that person away so they didn’t have to feel anything for while. That’s what ended my relationship. I stopped caring. Not for her. Oh gee. I still love her more than a few words on a page can express. But I stopped caring about the relationship, about the part that actually takes a lot of work. I had this fairy tale in my mind that with the right person it doesn’t take work, but that’s total bullshit. It takes a lot of work. You have to remind yourself everyday how important that person is to you, then you have to tell them. Always.  Then there is probably a whole lot of other things that have to go into it. I’m still figuring out those other bits though.

It’s been more than my month since my ex-girlfriend found a new girlfriend. That’s been weird. I need to stop telling people this part. It makes her look like the bad guy. But I’m the bad guy. I’m the one that messed up. It’s only fair that she gets to find someone else to love so soon. Someone else who’s better looking, more successful, has cool hobbies. Then I also remember the new girlfriend is 11 years older than me and I can’t compare my level of career/life success to hers. But at some level I still do. I’m comparing her new relationship with her old one. Her new girlfriend with me. I realize I shouldn’t do that though, but that doesn’t stop me. The only reason I know so much about it is because I still live with ex-girlfriend, and I still care about her so I listen to her day. I listen when she tells me all about her new girlfriend and I wonder if I’m a masochist. Sometimes I wonder if she ever cared. She moved on so quickly, maybe she’d checked out months before I did. I’d rather blame myself though. It’s easier. Believing that she never really loved me. That’s harder than reconciling with the love I managed to lose.

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén