Liam Holyoak

This is where I write things.

Month: May 2016 (Page 1 of 4)

Just fake it.

People say you need to fake it until you make it. It sounds trite. But this is the most important advice I have ever received.

Now this isn’t a prescription for everyone. But it worked for me. When I was in High School I was extremely depressed, I was in a really dark place and the therapist I was seeing told me just that. Pretend your happy. Pretend you’re all this things you wish you were. So I did. It took a while. But I kept telling myself I was a happy person. My identity turned from someone who was depressed to someone who was only sometimes sad. I turned into someone who usually had a smile on her face.  

This works for everything. If you just keep telling yourself you are something you will eventually become that thing. This Lady Gaga Quote has also really helped instill this belief system in me:

“I used to walk down the street like I was a fucking star… I want people to walk around delusional about how great they can be – and then to fight so hard for it every day that the lie becomes the truth.

-Lady Gaga

Pretend you already are the incredible person you want to be. Then someday you’ll wake up and realize you’re there.

Morning Quote

I’m feeling a little under the weather today. I’ll just leave you with a short little quote I came across while reading the book, “The Crossroads of Should and Must” by Elle Luna.

“Every morning upon awakening, I experience a supreme pleasure: that of being Salvador Dalí, and I ask myself, wonderstruck, what prodigious thing will he do today, this Salvador Dalí.” -Salvador Dali

P.S If you are looking for a short quick read you should definitely check out that book. It’s incredible.

An Explanation

I’ve been listening to this interview series. An at the end the interviewer always ask what is one question you want to answer but you are never asked.  There are tons of questions I wished I was asked one of them is this: “Why did you get a space tattoo?” Short answer because I love space. Long answer:

Space is terrifying to me. Space and the Ocean are my biggest fears. Something about vast endlessness is utterly terrifying to me. But aside from the fear it is also beautiful. The idea of space exploration is exciting. We are on the brink of something so incredible and unknown. I can’t help but get butterflies in my stomach. There is so much out there that we don’t know. And we are coming to a point in time where we get to discover new things. For the sake of discovering them. Not for some capital gain. But discovering simply to discover what is out there. What is beyond us. That is truly a beautiful thing. That’s why I have the solar system on my arm, because everyday I get to look down at these symbols and experience that flutter, that excitement of discovery.

I’d love to go to Space. It’s scares me so much that I don’t know if I ever will. But it’s so grand and magnificent. I look up at the moon every night and I dream of what’s out there. I think of how far we have come as humans that we managed to create these things that lift us of our planet and into the great void. Space Exploration feels like a beautiful era. Where all the humans on this planet work towards something together. Simply because we are curious.

Here is a photo:

IMG_2383

Don’t stop the dance

It may sound cliche but dance like nobody’s watching. Sing your heart out. Have fun. Be silly. Who gives a shit what other people think of you. Let loose. Feel things. Don’t stop dancing.

I’ve let a rude comment from someone stop me from dancing and singing at the top of my lungs. I went too long without letting loose. Dancing around the house with a broom stick. Don’t let anyone stop you from doing things that you love.

People Skills

Working in retail breeds this contempt for other human beings. It could be working in any type of service industry. Or just working around people. But after working in retail for three years I came out of there with a general dislike of other human beings. In my retail experience I was really close with all my coworkers. So a customer meant interrupted friend time. Not to mention customers can be really mean for seemingly no reason.  I went into every interaction expecting them to be a jerk. With this attitude you start wanting to avoid people in general. It’s strange though. I really like other human beings, and I don’t mind helping them outside of my work. But when I’m getting paid to do it turns into such a negative thing. I’m really out of practice when it comes to good human skills. I don’t really know how to act around people because it’s been awhile since I’ve done it in a positive manner.

I started reading some books, with some really hokey titles about improving my people skills. It’s one of those things I have always wanted to be good at, and I had this idea in my head that you had to be born with it. That it wasn’t a skill I could learn. I’ve changed my mind about that, I’m going to learn to have better people skills. Here’s the two techniques I am starting with:

  1. “Smile. But don’t be quick to smile. Look at them for a second, soak in their person. Then let a smile flood over your face and your eyes. “
  2. “Eye Contact. Don’t break eye contact and hold it for a moment after they have finished speaking. “

These are from the book “How to talk to Anyone” by Leil Lowndes. I’m going to do both of those things this week and I will get back to you on the results. Maybe I’ll make a new friend. That would be cool.

Boredom

“I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored.” -Louis C.K
I don’t usually admit to boredom. But that feeling has been creeping in everywhere lately. Even with activities I thoroughly enjoy. I find my mind wandering looking for the next exciting thing. I don’t know if technology is to blame. But I think the access to so many “exciting” things has seriously damaged attention span. I’ve mentioned before that as a kid I would just occupy myself for hours. I don’t think I could occupy myself for thirty minutes now a days. The ability to escape and distract yourself is just so easy. Start thinking of something sad? Find a cat video. It’s too easy.

We should try just doing one thing for a while. One thing that is hard but rewarding. Maybe read something really dense. Play the same game with your child until they want to do something different. Turn off the TV and just think. Give it a shot. I don’t know what will happen. But maybe you’ll learn something about yourself. Or better yet the people you spend the most time around.

Routine vs Monotony

These two are one in the same. But they feel very different.

 

Routine is reliable.

It allows you to get stuff done.

To keep track of things.

Even to have free time and not feel bad about it.

It allows for excitement without sacrificing your to do list so to speak.

 

But monotony, well that is the pits.

Monotony seems endless, and useless.

It seems inescapable.

It seems sad.

It makes life seem bland.
Life without monotony is full of excitement. Life without routine seems chaotic. Maybe routine controls the chaos. And if it becomes too strict it turns into monotony. It seems it’s a fine line, one I haven’t quite figured out how to balance on.

Practice makes perfect

Some people are abstainers, and some people are moderators. If you haven’t heard of this you should check out Gretchen Ruben. I’m an abstainer, in pretty much everything. Meaning, I’m an all or nothing type. This is particularly true with internet/phone/social media type things. If I look at Reddit to check one thing, I spend the whole day on there. Same with Instagram and Snapchat. I don’t use Facebook. That one has never been an issue for me. This seems true of a lot of people. We spend way more time consuming other people’s content rather than creating our own. Now, for most people there isn’t anything wrong with this. However if you tend to see yourself as a creative type this can become a major issue.

Consuming other people’s content is a perfect excuse for procrastination. I do this all the time. Oh, I’m just researching. Oh, I just need to look at how this person that inspires me does this thing. But that’s the trap. You aren’t ever going to get to the level you want to be without practice. Without regularly producing something. It doesn’t have to always be good either. I want to be a lot of things. Being a writer is one of them. So I write, everyday. Somedays it’s total crap. I still post it. Some days I think I did an amazing job. It gets posted.  I heard someone say once, “Don’t be heroic, be consistent.” Now, I’m not where I want to be as far as writing goes, or as far as most things in my life go. But I truly believe this to be true. As long as I keep practicing, as long as I keep producing. I’ll get to a place where I am making work that matters.

Self Awareness

Being aware of why we do the things we do is really tricky. It’s not easy to admit that you said a mean thing, because you were having a bad self-esteem day. Or that you ate that piece of cake because you were pissed that your dog peed on your new couch and that extra dopamine will make you feel better for a minute. Even though you know you will regret it later. It sucks to fess up to these things. Being self-aware is hard.

This isn’t something I am particularly good at. I over analyze everything I do and usually end up blaming someone for my actions, rather than looking inward. It’s just so much easier to blame external factors for wrongdoings. Then the responsibility isn’t on you, it’s out of your control. But really if you take a good hard look at yourself, you’ll realize that you are the reason you’re working all the time. That you don’t eat healthy because you don’t want to. That you’re mean to your partner because you aren’t stoked about yourself right now. Until we become aware of our actions, and start taking responsibility for them. Nothing will ever change.

Road Trips

Roads trips are the best. It’s so amazing to just watch. Watch the landscape change. The cars change. And some hours later you are in a whole other city very different from your own. It’s incredible. It’s crazy to think it’s only been within the last 100 years that travelling a long distance in a day was even doable.

The best part of road trips is that doing nothing is okay. All you can really do is think. We don’t take enough time to think these days. To ponder. To see beautiful things. We see it as a waste of time. I sometimes see it as a waste of time. I needed the reminder this weekend. That being present is a perfectly acceptable thing to do.

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