November is Nation Novel Writing Month. NaNoWriMo as the kids like to say. With 2,000 words a day by the end of the month I might have something that looks like a real novel. So here goes nothing.
There is just something about it. It’s never been my preferred style of coffee, but occasionally I’ll drink it.
The smell, and the darkness of the cup always bring up vague memories of my Grandma’s house. She died when I was about five so I don’t many memories of her, but they all seem to be surrounding breakfast activities, maybe that’s part of the reason I love mornings so much. Whenever I’d have sleepover there my Grandpa would tell me that if I woke up before him I’d get to pick what we had for breakfast. Most mornings I managed to achieve this goal, I imagine he was sneaking back into bed when he heard me getting up. Which was the greatest thing you could do for a breakfast loving kid, I always loved being there. From what I remember it was always a blast, and one of my favorite places to be.
Grandpa and I would sit in the kitchen. I’d tell him all about my dreams. And he’d drink coffee. The mornings were stained with the smell of coffee, and it still brings me back there.
Somedays I don’t see anything but beauty.
The way the sun is shining through the clouds, turning the sky a deep purple. The mountains lightly snow covered in the distance. The weather is perfect, you can wear a jacket if you’d like but you don’t need one.
On these days nothing gets me down. I see nothing but beauty around me, and love for everyone I encounter.
Unfortunately, and probably fortunately that isn’t everyday. Those days are numbered, and are usually interrupted by a negative thought, directed at myself or someone else. That’s when I have to remind myself, I am lucky. I am grateful. I can choose to see the light in everything around me.
I get to keep going until something else pops up, it seems to be an endless cycle. That’s what we need to learn. We have to keep doing it, keep repeating until it’s ingrained in us.
Don’t be so hard on yourself when you forget to look, when you forget to see the world as potential and instead see it as something broken.
Just gently remind yourself to look at the sun, the birds, whatever else makes you feel all those warm feelings.
Repeat as necessary.
Some days there’s an infinite stream of ideas. Other days it’s dried up, and there are none.
Today seems to be the later.
I stare at the screen for what seems like a reasonable amount of time waiting for something to appear. A tiny spark to ignite. It doesn’t.
I just keep sitting here, wondering how much longer I should sit here before I, what, give up? Or until I get desperate enough to write about not having any ideas.
I guess that brings me right back to where we started. Except now I have a paragraph and today that will work. A minute ago I just had complaints.
So hey, I guess the moral of the story is even bad posts, are still posts. Sometimes you just have to write, even when it sucks.
I love making sourdough bread. The process is so simple, yet so complex.
The ingredients are simple. You start with water, flour and time.
Feeding that mixture everyday until the yeast in the air turns it into something living.
You mix your starter with more flour, water, and a pinch of salt and you wait.
How long you wait depends on the temperature in your house, the age of your starter, the amount of times you’ve folded your dough.
Then within 24 hours, sometimes longer, you bake it. Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst. It’s a beautifully long process, and I find it so fulfilling.
You take three ingredients, a little bit of time, and you turn it into a something sometimes resembling a masterpiece.
It’s not easy to feel good if you aren’t giving yourself the things you need to feel that way. That Reese’s makes your mouth feel good. But not really body. It isn’t giving your cells what they really need to thrive. So maybe that’s why you’re crashing after feeling great all day. Maybe it isn’t a time of day thing, more so just the fuel you’re giving yourself.
I’ve been watching the TV show “This is Us.” I love how seamlessly they have managed to move throughout time. As is, none of the normal barriers we think of when we think of time exist. That everything that has happened to us, or everyone we know is happening simultaneously. Yesterday your mother is being born, and tomorrow you are celebrating her 80th birthday. The same day you’re starting kindergarten, and your brother is graduating high school.
We build so many boundaries around time.
But maybe those don’t need to exist.
Maybe everything is happening at the same time all around us.
We just have to see it.
Do things happen for a reason?
I often stand on both sides of that question. They seem like they do. But maybe it’s just all random.
I suppose it depends on which side of believing I happen to be on that day.
I heard someone say once to treat everything that happens to you like you chose it, for your spiritual development. Whether or not you care about spiritual development is really irrelevant. It’s a tricky way to approach life. One that requires a lot of ownership and a lot of action.
Someone cuts you off? Well, you chose that how are you going to handle it? Are you going to get angry, or are you going to slow down let them in and move on with your day.
We get to make these choices a thousand times a day. Whether or not we actually have any choice in the random events that happen throughout the day, acting like we do can be a real opportunity for growth.
There it is again.
That feeling of possibility that comes when you’re staring at a blank page.
The sun isn’t out yet, most of the world is still asleep.
All that exists is you, the sleeping pup beside you and a blank page.
What more could you ask for, the world you are yearning to create is right in front of you.
Now you’re job is to put it on the page.
It seems so simple of a task, and some days it is. Some days it isn’t.
But that blank page keeps pulling you back. That world keeps calling you back. Asking you to create it.
If you don’t, it’ll move on to someone else. So you better get writing.
I’ve become so overwhelmed by “the resistance” lately that even the seemingly simple task of sitting down to journal seems like a major chore.
I know that’s something I talk about a lot, but only because it pops up so often.
It feels impossible to beat. At least that’s how it’s felt lately.
So I am starting over, starting simply. One blog post a day, that is the goal.
No other writing is required.
When you can’t manage to do any of the things you want/need to do, you sometimes have to start with the smallest step.
Once you start putting one foot in front of the other things can get a lot easier. But first you’ve got to get the ball rolling. While it may not seem like you’re going anywhere at first. If you keep at it, you’ll get there.
That’s my new mantra. One step a day, one day at a time, one post at a time. Then in no time I’ll be back my groove.